August 18, 2009

The ChatDonk

Following on from the other player types in earlier posts (the aggrodonk and the spewtard) one player type that doesn't get a mention much is the Chatdonk. I guess this type disappears as you move up the stakes ladder but at the micros they hang around, filling the chat boxes with complete nonsense.

Chatdonks have 2 clear characteristics, the first is that they are unaware of the complexities of NL cash (that is...they are very predictable players who think they are the nuts because they have read Harrington, as opposed to out and out pure fish, and I certainly think I still am getting to grips with this with relates to my own play) but the second is they THINK they are the dogs bollocks (that is.....very unpredictable sharks just waiting to get properly rolled for 1000nl if the rest of us idiots would just stop cracking their aces with 75s)

Chat donks go crazy with their typing when the following things happen....

a) they win a big pot (and everyone else at the table starts to yawn). Here they become uber nice guys and go into the ins and outs of the hand and seem all together ecstatic with life.
b) they lose a pot due to "bad" play by another player. Here they drone on and on about the donks and how you can never beat them, and how could you call and.......blah blah blah.

chatdonks berate others for bad play, not getting the fact that it's this very aspect of poker (bad play by one's opponents) that gives us our profit. No doubt chatdonks think that if everyone played optimally then they would magically become winning players.

Chatdonks make the complete recreational fish think twice before continuing to rebuy when busted. Or hit and run if they double up. By being continually berated the fish starts to actually think more, and will decide to quit while he's ahead, taking the dead money from the table. Its for this final ultimate crime that makes chatdonks complete and utter donks.

Because chatonks are so ABC Harrington, who tend to fear monsters under the bed (covering up their inadequacies by talking nonsense the whole time) a simple check-raise, or double-float-all-in-whentheycheckriver, will often take away the pot from them, regardless of their holding. Sets or above is what they will require to call you.

Their favourite player is Phil Hellmuth.

Finally, ChatDonks usually have a really annoying screen name.......


  1. Good post you make some really good points. It can be entertaining though when two of these idiots get into an on-going argument via the chat box. And I play $2NL to which the response to any harrassment could be well that's why I am playing $2NL Phil Ivey.

  2. You missed the chat donks who don't play a hand for 60 hands then moan when you call their raise with 98s and crack their bullets because of implied odds. They then spend the next half hour stalking you on the tables letting everyone know you use software that scans the next cards coming!

  3. Loathe this type. I have jokingly called them hellmuth before when they go on one of their long rants. They are idiots who think they're good. Why would anyone want to tell a fish how to properly play a hand? So you don't want to win his money?
    I really like your blog and will link it on mine. Maybe you could do the same?